|| You'll Be Chosen One Day Too||
Have you noticed?
This is not a woe is me post or an I’m-on-the-verge-of-tears because I’m losing it post or look at all my pent-up-bitterness. Nope, not even close because life
in all my single glory is freaking awesome. I have woken up early to chase the sun and felt the burn during a hike. I have stayed up late procrastinating on homework (cough cough right now), I have friends in my life who weren’t there months ago and I’m wondering where they’ve been all my life. I have been to about three new coffee shops this month alone and experienced my love for poetry over and over again. Yes indeed, I am taking life with all of its goodness and squeezing the sweetness out of it. But in the back of my mind, I can’t ignore this ugly little whisper that likes to lie to me and says, but at the end of the day, no one has chosen you.
I have seen engagement after engagement and relationship status after relationship status and the monsters that want to rob me of joy, have a tendency to turn these beautiful moments into heartache. To be completely honest, the thought of being engaged right now is terrifying and I truly have no desire to be wearing a ring that represents forever on my finger because I barely have gotten the hang of buying groceries consistently and not eating bagels for my only two meals of the day. No, it’s not about the engagement itself or the relationships, this is about acknowledging the nagging reminder that somehow down the line, I wasn’t chosen. This is about the fact that maybe the status updates sometimes turn into slaps to my self-esteem and my precious, healing heart.
My best friend got engaged today and I couldn’t be happier for her because the moment I met him, I knew he would love her in all the ways the men before him couldn’t. The way he so naturally entered into her life and even my own just made that best friend guard in me fall a little bit. My mom asked me after I told her how I was doing, I didn’t understand at first why she asked and then the realization and doubting questions came flooding all at once. Wait, is something wrong with me? Do I need be less sassy? Should my automatic reaction to attractive people not be walking in the opposite direction? Do I write emotionally intimidating poems? Am I even a little bit attractive? Do I post too much on instagram? Am I not a person worth loving in that way?
But it’s not any of those things at all,
There will be lie after lie that convinces you that you’re not worthy of being chosen. They will break down your knowledge of how much you’re loved because at one point and time, it wasn’t in your story to be loved by that someone.
Please hush all those nasty lies for a moment and remember,
Y O U W I L L B E C H O S E N sweet one.
Just maybe not right now.
Instead, life is choosing you to Taylor-Swift through each day killin it with all your joy and contribution to this world. Instead you’re going to find more people that your soul just clicks with and you’ve wondered where they were before you met them. Instead, you will fight all the little monsters that tell you that you we’re enough to be chosen with an unmistakable joy. Instead, you will stand straight up cheesing in your friends wedding, holding back the tears when you watch them walk down the isle.
Your story is just wired a little bit differently…the chosen part will come later && that is not any less divine than those who are chosen right now.
You already know (or maybe you don't but you do now), that the author of time and creator of love himself is sowing your story together with the most intentional threads.
So take heart , you are not under any specific timer.
You're NOT running out of time.
Maybe it feels that way when it seems everyone around you is linking up real fast but don't worry, you're not loosing anymore sand in your hourglass than you think you are.
So I suppose, that this procrastinating post is for all of you out there who are in this weird season of rejoicing with friends and wondering when you’ll get chosen that way too. And maybe this is also for those who are in that season of being chosen and giving the rest of us something lovely to look forward to.
Our stories are all written with different time stamps,
different choosing and not choosing seasons, hard conversations and forever whispers.
Wherever you are in that, know that it is good.
You will be chosen darling, one day and when it happens it’ll be good but don’t sit and wait for it.
Go T-Swift it real good, go adventure the mess out of a place you thought was familiar and immerse yourself with all the butterflies in your soul.
Yes, again I say,
You will be chosen one day darling && when it happens it’ll be good.
But don’t sit and wait for it, that'll just give the monsters something to feed on and we just can't have that now can we?