||Day One ||

Processed with VSCOcam with hb2 preset She told me that she didn’t know what was going on in my life. Told me that she was wasn’t sure what type of shift occurred but that she had felt a change in my social media presence and wanted me to know that she could feel it, that she may not know me, but she sees me.

I interviewed earlier this week for an internship and midway she stopped and said that after this professional interview was over, she was just going to talk because she felt so deeply connected to me. After the interview was over she said that regardless of the outcome of the interview, I wasn’t going to be able to get rid of her because my transparency was so refreshing. She told me she was also a Christian after I had felt compelled to casually mention it in my interview and that I reminded her so much of herself. She told me that I was brilliant, that my resume did not begin to cover who I was and that she was excited to walk with me in this life if I was willing.

I hung up the phone in tears because for the second time this week, someone who did not know me, someone who has only has only engaged with me over the phone, saw me. She saw me and it wrecked every insecurity, doubt and fear that I’ve carried with me these past couple of months.

The idea of being known is huge for us as human beings who are constantly searching for who we are

We are forever wanting to be acknowledged, heard, appreciated, whether we admit it or not. It is important to us that in the midst of all we do, in the midst of who we are, we are seen. It's so tricky though because we are SO GOOD AT HIDING. We put up walls, we let trust issues dictate how we (or don’t) interact with one another or we get hurt and crawl back into our caves. Yet in the depth of all that, we’re pretty bad at hiding too, meaning we  only hide to see who will dare to come find us. Our goal is never for us to completely disappear, it is the small hope that someone will actually notice, that they will bring us back in and remind us that we are seen, we are known. Ah. It just permeates your very core.

“You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous--how well I know it.”

Psalm 139:13-14

It all started here.

Before we were even a thought before we were breathing earth's air, the creator of these flesh and bones saw us first. He saw who we are and he sees who we will become. he sees the hurt, the flaws, the way we recklessly throw our heart in places we shouldn’t. He sees every flaw and lie orchestra we let play in our heads. The longing, the aching comes from wanting to be seen is only there because he was the first to set the example. Those experiences for me this week made me feel secure, valued and seen and that is the exact same lullaby he lavishes on us everyday.

To know someone means to embrace all their intricate and vast makings,  when they are empty handed and when they are full. To take the bitter and the sweet. When we are known, when we are seen, it automatically elicits the desire to make others experience that feeling too. It’s not about being just loved, or wanted, to be seen, to be known is so much deeper because it taps on the core of who we are and awakens the sleeping in us that we weren’t aware of before. It encourages us to be the person that maybe we pushed aside when they are every bit of who we are.

When those moments happen (and they will and they will wreck you so be prepared) you will be vulnerable, you will be exposed and the very parts of you that you’ve hidden will come into the sunlight. Transparency, vulnerability these are all buzzwords we’ve either deemed as negative and or weak. They are none of these things. I am a strong believer that we are not meant to be barricades, we are not to be endless great walls that no one can see from the distance but never truly know or experience.

I am every bit of open book. I am every bit of an open book and heart on the sleeve. I try really hard to hide even in the midst of transparency and vulnerability but I believe strongly that the reason I write, the reason I live is to remind people that they are enough. They are worthy of being seen, being known, being loved and all of the above.

So my thirty minutes is coming to a close, I will end with this.

I hope you feel seen.

I hope you are known for the very essence of what makes you, you.

I hope someone marvels at your magic and is captivated by your wonder.

I hope people don’t run when you are empty handed.

I hope you remember that before your presence kissed earth, you were already seen, already known by the maker of your existence

&& all of those words are only as strong as you allow them to be, they will only permeate if you truly have a desire to be seen too. It’s okay if the walls come tumbling down, they do not make you.

It’s all like the moment you open the door, coming home after being surrounded by strangers and making eye contact with something familiar, everything else just fades into the background.

Come out of hiding.

Bulldoze those walls.

you are home.

you are seen.

you are known.