|| You Need a New Lullaby ||
Doubt oh doubt.
Doubt tells you you’re not good enough. Doubt tells you that you don’t deserve to be loved well.
Doubt tells you that you talk too much and you have nothing of value to say.
Doubt convinces you that success is not something written in your story, you are wired to fail.
Doubt will strip you of the marvel in your own story because it dares you to see all the reasons everyone else is better than yours. Doubt tells you to give up, crawl somewhere no one can see you and don’t think for a second you’ll be missed.
Doubt is a string of lies that we allow to lullaby our self-worth so it is almost non-existent. Doubt has a really good way of leaving dreams on the countless collage boards we created or in the bottom of that coffee cup conversation, where we knew possibilities were endless and we left feeling like we could take on the world.
Doubt wants us to believe that waiting and being idle, stagnant or unproductive are the same. I am a strong believer that they aren’t. In waiting, in searching it is not about twiddling our thumbs sitting somewhere until something happens—its about doing all that we possibly can to make it happen and then we wait for the results of what seeds we’ve been able to sow.
Doubt has been trickling into my week after graduation so effortlessly I almost missed it. It has a way of turning this season of waiting for doors to open and close into a season where I feel as if there aren’t any doors to begin with. I am standing arms open, heart just as wide patiently waiting for God to just so fiercely move in my life that I never even see what’s coming next.
Doubt tells me that life; in all its uncertainty right now is how it’s going to always be. That poetry is just this temporary season and one day I’ll walk off a stage and never step back on one again.
It’s a nasty back and forth game we play in the restlessness and quiet of my own mind—convincing me that there isn’t a God who has diligently written my story with care, precision, grace upon grace and so much hope.
Doubt is a lie.
and you've known this all along.
Because if you doubt enough, you don’t even give yourself the chance to fail. You don’t get the opportunity to shake the dust off and try again. Doubt rips at that dreamer child in you and tells you “grow up, get a job, make sure you can sustain yourself, be successful, grow up there’s no time for failure.”
You can’t let that dangerous whisper of a lie become your mantra. Your mantra has to be words that shatter those lies and scream NO. Just NO. A “No” that inserts worth back into your story, a “No” that tells you “no, never stop dreaming so big people look at you like you’re crazy and even crazier when you actually make it happen.” No don’t put that creative fire boiling in your soul out just yet because it has so much more to create.
No, do not let doubt sing you to sleep anymore honey.
So much of it has to do with telling ourselves, I’m good enough. I’m worthy. I am not confined within this world’s idea of “success.”
I’m a dreamer and a do-er and a hard lover and I’m wired for beautiful things and I know that there is a God and he has written my story dripping in purpose.
Doubt can’t change your mantra unless you let it. It can’t drive you to stop dreaming unless you let it. It can’t take away your value or worth because it’s already yours…from the very beginning.
Don’t let doubt sing you to sleep anymore honey.
It’s time for a new lullaby.