||Wrestling||

On the night before my last day at Jamba Juice, I laid there restless. I woke up early around 5am to mentally prepare myself to walk to my last shift and my mind was moving way faster than my still sleeping body. I kept asking myself the same question over and over again, was I a light in this place? Did I have a conversation with anyone about how the God of this universe wants to encapsulate them in a love that leaves them breathless? Did my irritation, impatience and restlessness blind me from being the example of Christ on earth that I am called to be? In this short season, in my time there did I leave any trace of Jesus? Was he found in how I handled stress or while I made 948264873 smoothies at a time? Was he found in my passing interactions with my co-workers and my managers? Did I, like a shooting star, leave extra-terrestrial evidence that there is something bigger than you and bigger than me and bigger than a job at Jamba Juice?

 I understand, that this is a lot to actually experience in such a small window of time but where I find myself questioning myself the most was, did I even make space for the possibility of it? Did I even open the window to let him shine through? I vividly remember praying Lord; let this shift go really fast. Or Lord, please don’t let the sun come out this morning so that people will want Starbucks instead but I don’t think I prayed that I could encompass his grace and his presence in the interactions I had with my co-workers.

How often do we miss little opportunities to share the love of Christ to others? I’m not talking go stand on a street corners, telling people they’re going to hell if they don’t repent right now… on the street with you and your pedestal. I mean…when do we remind people that they are handcrafted and loved by the same creator of nature that leaves even our gut in awe? How often when we enter new places, new experiences, and new relationships do we reflect even just a little bit of the redeeming grace we received ourselves? How often do we leak Jesus? Are we conscious of it? Should we be conscious of it? Is there a necessary mystery in being living image reflections of the one we consider the center of all things?

 My co-worker was giving out “nicknames” or defining factors of who he knows everyone to be. He said he was the…not nice one, then there’s a sassy one, the blonde one etc and then me, the “nice” one, the “sweet one”. He then proceeded to ask me, if I ever considered that I was the second coming of Christ. I told him no, that was blasphemous and religiously incorrect but what I should have said was No, not even close but I do try every single day to reflect him more and more. That’s what I should have said, which means I didn’t, In fact, I didn’t think anything of it. I just wanted so desperately not to be put on a pedestal I don’t belong. I didn’t even catch that this could have been one of those moments, one of those whispers that sometimes God plants in the cups of our ears and says “Show me to them, slip a little piece of me in their pockets, tell them who I am to you, Show me to them.”

 I am sure, tucked in between the busyness of every single day, that we have the opportunity to unravel who God is and how he loves and place them in someone’s pockets. They don’t have to be conscious of it happening and we don’t have to necessarily be conscious of us doing it. But if we are internal reflections of a glorious God how can we not help but externally exude him?

I never want to leave a place again and have to think… did I allow God to show up there? Granted, he doesn’t need our permission or our help to show up but if we, his children are barricades to showing he exists how do we expect to leave little pieces of whom He is?

 There are so many questions in the post, because I’m still processing it myself. I’m chewing on this and I couldn't come up with a better title because basically, I’m wrestling. And the reality is, I probably will continue wrestling with this and what it means to be an image bearer of Christ every single day. Every time I feel as though I missed out on leaving extra terrestrial evidence that there is someone out there who desires to know and love every individually so deeply.

It's a hard balance to be both human, sinful and prone to make mistakes and yet have a supernatural mirror next to our hearts and souls. But I know that for me, every day I want to constantly, consistently and honestly seek out out how to be something like a shooting star reflection or a comet flash, not so bright that it begs anyone to “look at me, look what I can do” but more like look who I belong to and don’t you know you belong to him too?

 

UncategorizedArielle Estoria