What do you mean I'm not perfect?
I try my best not to make mistakes.
I try to do really good at every responsibility that gets put on my plate from RA, to coffee shop shift lead to mentoring to just being a human who knows what she’s doing and why.
I maintain the “Pastors Kid” label as best I can, so that I don’t get categorized as a prude or buck wild crazy.
I sometimes post scripture verses on my Facebook to maintain my social network spirituality.
And even when I don't feel like it, I still make sure I have a smile on my face so that even if my internal is all messed up, at least my external looks bright ya know?
I try to maintain good grades, a good reputation and positive self-image.
I pretty much have it all figured out... What am I doing wrong? What do you mean I'm not perfect?
Even in writing all of those things above… I couldn’t help but laugh at myself. You know that laugh where you sort of call yourself out? The laugh that says, "Okay, jig is up, you’re I admit, Iam type A, really self critical, a firm believer in planners, not having chipped nails and when I am angry I make sure that my tongue does not get the best of me. At work, I’m pretty anal with some OCD and controlling tendencies. Put the sleeves in the same direction, don’t spill the orange juice, don’t drop the muffin…don’t forget the muffin, refill this and that. Oh my goodness I’m stressing out just thinking about it, that’s how bad it is. Recently, a friend that I work with asked why I stress out so much, asked me “what’s going to happen when the orange juice spills?” I responded with a sassy, “It spills and then I have to clean it up!” then he says, “Exactly. It spills, then you clean it up and you keep going. That’s it. You know you don’t have it all together all the time.” "You don't have to have it all together all the time...." For some of you, reading that gave you a little peace, maybe some relaxation in your naturally tensed shoulders or helped you breath just a little bit easier, I know it did for me.
Lets be honest, if anyone is really hard on us, it’s ourselves. Constantly internally questioning ourselves, what are you doing? Don’t do that! You can’t do that. Why did you say that like that? Oh my gosh you’re going to wear that? Don’t mess up that drink, watch how you walk don’t trip. Head up. Chin straight. Be perfect…? Sometimes I forget that I am a human and not a freaking robot. I think that we have this horrible misunderstanding that Christianity and pretending to be perfect is simultaneous. But it's not, not even a little bit. We've become trapped in this "I'm good, so good, God is so good" mentality that we sometimes forget to say, "I screwed up, this sucks and I'm not okay." We make mistakes, we will make mistakes it’s inevitable, and then we learn from them and keep moving forward and refuse to let them define us. Coming from an Anal, type A, pastors daughters perspective I can honestly say that I genuinely STRESS over trying to be "perfect" and "put together", I criticize myself for every little mistake because it's not "Christian" to make mistakes or do things wrong. Where in the world is this written? How did I manage to be so engrained in such a messed up mentality?! Here's the thing WE'RE HUMAN…I'M human! So heck yeah we're going to make mistakes, we’re going to get angry and have to apologize for harsh words, we’re going to spill orange juice and then clean it up and keep moving. We will not have enough grace or paper towels to clean up all the orange juice we will spill and that’s where the grace of a wonderful God comes in because he knows that we’re not perfect and we’re never going to be and he loves us anyway. He knows that we're just struggling to find the balance between being human and also Christians sometimes. It’s a very thin blurred line, one we will step on, cross over occasionally and that’s okay. No, this is not an open invitation to just go out and do a bunch of buck wild crazy, needing forgiveness actions… but that also doesn’t mean we need to trap ourselves in these boxes with the unrealistic expectation to be perfect.
Okay… so say it with me,
You are not perfect and that’s okay.
You are messed up, crazy and beautifully forgiven.
Your hair is going to be a mess, your outfit is going to be wrinkled and your nails chipped, you’re going to have morning breath and make mistakes… and we are still worthy in his eyes, still capable of loving others and being loved.
Congratulations dear hearts, you are a human saved by grace…. Walk boldly.