Day Twelve || 30days30Minutes
I was never one of those kids who wanted to grow up fast. I was most likely the tallest out of my friends or classmates and more developed than most at my age, so I guess I was sort of hoping I would slow down and other people would catch up.
I'm pretty sure I cried before every birthday leading up to my 20th.
Yeah, I definitely remember crying before my 18th and amidst the "Happy Birthdays" people would throw in "Welcome to adulthood" and "You can legally go to an adult prison now." Needless to say, I was not exactly excited.
I didn't rush my childhood yeah, I dressed up in plastic shoes with fake heals and sometimes got into my moms makeup but that was the best part of dressing up and pretending you were a really fashionable and successful twenty- year old, (OH how naive we were) --we knew we could wipe the makeup off, put the heals in the dress up chest and go back to being however old we really were.
Now, I curse little me for all the naps she fought, for the homework that barely took two hours to do and how simple it was to make friends.
My birthday is tomorrow and this post is not some weird plug at trying to get attention. In fact, I've been really weird with my birthday this year. Well for starts, I forgot about it, I looked at my planer to figure out what my week was going to look like and had to take a pause when I saw "HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU" written across the Thursday, I continued to skim over it and figure out what I needed to pencil down/ remember. Also my friends and housemates keep asking me what I'm going to do and all I could think was, nothing because my rent is due on the same day and I'm not going to have anything left to "celebrate" -- ugh adulting is hard. And lastly, this year was kind of rough and I'm just thankful that it's coming to a close.
For the past three birthdays, I've been intentional with approaching each birthday with a new word or phrase to focus on.
Twenty-three was my year of Boldly Daring.
It was the year that I stepped outside of my comfort zone and finally stepped into a deeper knowledge of who I am. Twenty-three was the year I approached people out of confidence in who I was and what I was capable of doing. Twenty- three was the year I learned how to hush insecurities so they stopped becoming the sound track of what I did. Twenty-three was a year of firsts, good firsts, memorable firsts. It was my year letting go and not being so afraid to let someone in.
Twenty-three was the year I began to hear the Lioness that's been growling in my own gut...
and for so long I thought she didn't belong to me.
Twenty three was when God continuously meet me on poetry stages and humbly wrecked me through memorizing and reciting Ephesians.
Yes, "boldly daring" was the perfect "tagline" for 23.
And so tomorrow begins the twenty-fourth chapter of my life and I don't know what my "tagline" should be for this next year (perhaps that will be tomorrows post). I know that I want to do more of what I love to do-- I know that it would be cool to figure out what a poetry tour could look like. I know that i want to continue to know how to love people well, how to drink more coffee more for the social factor than anything else. I know that I want to learn more about how to love myself better with every passing day. I want to take more risks and understand what hustling strong, strategically and smart looks like amidst this "industry" of arts and creativity.
I know that I want to leave my heartbreaks where they belong and write things that make people feel something. Learn all the ups and downs of listening well and exude kindness at any chance I get.
I think these are all just attributes/ actions I would like to do more of every year and every moment I'm alive but I guess for starters, we'll begin here.