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Make yourself small.

No, not less, not insignificant. Small like you on the playground when friends were made simply by smiling and we didn’t need to double tap screens for someone else’s approval.

Be small, as in your hands are able to curl into fists but you’re too full of joy and life to keep them that way.

Make yourself small enough to curl into the frame of a Big big God.

Small enough to make room for more hope and less doubt.

But even when there is doubt, make yourself small enough to not be afraid to ask questions.

Not ridiculous questions, not pointless questions, ask because curiosity convinced you to and there was no room for insecurity to tell you otherwise.

Make yourself small.

This past weekend at church, one of our Pastors, Katie talked about what Jesus really meant when he said that in order to enter the kingdom of heaven, we have to be like little children (Matthew 18:3). It wasn’t only because we need to have some level of innocence when entering the Kingdom but more so because in order to do that, we have to be dependent on him.

I nanny a lot and kids are very dependent. You have to fix their food because they don’t know what that process looks like, they just know they’re told to sit down and then suddenly food is in front of them.

You have to change their diapers until a certain age and even when they can go to the restroom on their own you have to continuously ask, “Do you have to peepee? Are you sure?”

They can’t live without the necessary lean on someone else.

What would it look like if we were actually dependent on God?

When our jobs and sources of “provision” our out of our own control and solely in his?

Would that change how we come to him? Would it increase how much we come to him?

Sometimes I think we believe God has the jeanie situation going on.

If we just rub the golden bottle then something mystic will come out and we can be granted our three wishes. That’s not how it works, you know that, I know that but for some reason the thought of being fully dependable on someone else makes us feel some type of way.

Lord I don't want to be dependant on you because then I have to come to terms with the fact that I’m not the one in control---OH SNAP. There it is.

WE AREN’T THE ONES IN CONTROL. Somewhere throughout our lives, the older we got and the more chaotic life seemed to be, we just started freaking out. Everything became frantic and the assumption that we had to figure it out and take care of ourselves took over. Well, news flash--- you’re not really doing that.

That job you got? Yeah, that was God.

That promotion you received? No way! How cool! Look at God.

Just bought a new house? Isn’t it so sweet how God knows that we desperately want to feel stable, so he provides earthly foundation when he’s the one who is truly holding us up?

I’m not saying that your accomplishments are absent of you. In fact, how amazing it is that God used you in that way! How incredible the gifts and strengths he’s placed within you--- I am not diminishing those abilities--- I simply hope I am magnifying and reminding where all that comes from.

I think we’re afraid to ask hard questions.

I think we assume that God can’t handle our shaking fists and that’s simply not true.

I have a handful of friends who are in a really hard place with God right now. They’re frustrated, angry, hurt and confused and that for them that means distancing God in order to process through that. But here’s the thing and I really really want you to know this ---God can handle your anger. God can handle the fact that you don’t understand, he can handle your tantrums and maybe not so kind words, he wants that, he invites that. His love for us is not  limited in the assumption that we can only bring rainbows and our christian robotic response of “GOD IS SAH GOOD.”

He can handle your mess because he’s knee deep in it with you.

This is not for those of you who are just BFFS with Jesus right now, your season will come when you will need this email.

No, this is for those of you feeling like lightyears away from him for whatever reason.

Please ask your hard questions and bring your shaking fists with you, I promise God can handle it and you. Depend on him because I know it may seem as though you have to do everything with your own two hands but you don’t. Take a load off, let him carry you for awhile.