|| Slowing Down -- kind of||
Life has been moving quite more rapidly than I have enough energy for to be honest. I'm still waiting for that season where everyone says you read a bunch of books and sleep a lot. I haven’t been able to sit and really think about the events that have taken place in my life over the last couple of months. So that’s what this post will be about. About me rummaging through big events, changes that have occurred, and all the chaos and goodness that I have experienced along the way.
- I moved out of my sweet little house in Azusa with my two adult roommates into a house in Pasadena with now five roommates. Three of them are small humans who call me Ms. Arie. During the winter months, rent became a really big anxiety/ stress source for me. With freelancing and 4 other jobs (at that time) I was running myself in the ground trying to make rent on time each month (and honestly 90% of the time it was not). Thankfully I had really patient and understanding landlords who also happened to be people I have known for the past 3ish- 4 years. These grace filled people have believed in me and i can not thank them enough. (thank you thank thank you thank you)
I knew I needed to leave but that didn’t make it any easier ya know? I also had two options 1. Go home or 2. Reach out to people I knew. So I reached out to families that I nannied for and one family said yes, one family opened their doors, provided me my own room and space into their life. I’m not going to lie. I didn't start packing up anything until a week before I had to be out. I was in denial that I was actually moving because even though I knew I had to, even though all the plans had been set in motion for me to move I just thought, no. Maybe God doesn’t want me to leave. Maybe he’ll provide and I’m just not trusting him. Maybe he’s not really calling me to uproot and discomfort myself a little bit he just wanted me to see that it COULD be something he wanted me to be. HA, it’s funny the things we convince ourselves of right? I cried as I packed up my mazda and hopped on the freeway to bring my first load over. I don’t do well with initial change. Once I’m in it, I’m fine and I adapt like a boss. But those first stages ---they terrify me. Too filled with ambiguity, too unfamiliar, too much of all that I can’t control---yikes.
When I got there, I had little voices asking me why I was putting stuff in the room and how long I was “sleeping over.” Asking if I could paint their little toes with all that polish. I have now been here for almost three months and it feels like home; like safety. I get to hear “Hi Ms. Arie” and “Bye Ms. Ari” everyday and it’s real sweet.
- I released my first published piece of music + poetry. WOAH WOAH WOAH. This still feels so weird. It was like all my heart just put into 5 ½ songs and given to the world (kind of a small portion of the world but you know). Working with Aaron on this for the past couple of months was the sweetest kind of adventure. I came to his studio usually in sweatpants and a sweatshirt because, 1. I probably just came from the gym or just didn’t want to wear real pants anymore. 2. His studio was always freezing. 3. That space became home, became safe haven, became sanctuary. We may or may not be already dreaming and brainstorming for #2 (whoops did I just say that outloud?) Similarly to the feeling of when you get your first tattoo and you can’t wait to get another one. I created this project once before, so who’s to say that I can’t do it again and again? It’s a sweet feeling to be a creator of something you’re proud of; to be proud of something that still makes you tear up at the disbelief and wonder of it all.
There’s no way I could have done ANY of that on my own. Thank you to Aaron for saying yes, for being willing to jump in on this project with me and give it your all. Thank you for being so brilliant and talented and letting me use all that!
To Karen, my girl. One of the most gifted photographers I know--thank you for not only your support but being a big part of being able to make dreams happen for me. You already know i’m one of your biggest fans. First I am your sister and beyond thankful for your gift, but mostly you.
To Mckenzie Haan and David Cano: some of the little special surprises and specific sounds in the EP happened because of you. Thank you.
To Megan Burroughs: for all your help with the prettifying and dreaming of photoshoots, the party, and your flower crown magic. For letting me ask you all the questions all the time, you are a wonder.
To Sydney MY GOODNESS. I swear you came straight from the heavens and into my path. You are just a freaking rockstar and you have been SUCH a help these past couple of months. You are brilliant, professional, honest and genuine. You handle all my sometimes non professional crazy and I’m so excited for this next season of life for you. I know you will kill it.
To everyone who helped me blast/ promote the EP (and are still continuing to) thank you for believing in me. You have no idea how much that means to me. To those who downloaded it, listened, told me about it -thank you thank you. Ya’ll literally keep me moving.
To my parents, my family, my mom and sisters, auntie who surprised me at the release party- thank you for loving me past distance. Thank you for always seeing the sparkle in me and helping me see it too, ya’ll are my rocks and my breath.
Goodness, that was a lot huh? Those were (what I believe to be) the two biggest life happenings and goodness that have occurred. Now all I can do is just really sit here and reflect on it all. This wasn’t a post to be pretty or uplift or encourage necessarily, this was simply me trying to slow down for a little bit and soak in life before it flashes past me.