Heartbreak, Singleness and the lessons that come with it.
This semester I started going to a 7am Thursday morning, bible study/ discussion of life/ what is God teaching you session. Though some days it is quite hard to roll out of bed, wash my face so that I can be somewhat coherent, and then sheepishly grab my keys, bible and journal to wander downstairs to my RDs apartment, it has been the highlights of my week (besides staff meetings which are my absolute favorite). One morning, in one of our discussions we talked about what is it that keeps us from God, what comes in between our relationship with him and hinders us from giving him our all. The answers ranged from school work, people pleasing, lack of humility, being too busy and for me.... it was singleness.
So this is where I must stop sulking in all that I dont have and instead crave what I do have, and thats the presence of God right at my fingertips, on the edge of my tongue just waiting to be called. I must remind myself that I am loved by the creator of love himself. That I am wanted by the same person who formed me in my mothers womb. I have to push my human desires aside, and realize that I have the opportunity to have a heavenly love that could not even compare to the constellations in the sky. It is breathtaking and I am so undeserving.
I must realize that life is nothing but a collection of many seasons. This one I am currently in, is sometimes lonely, very humbling and exhausting one, but it is also glorious. It is the season that I learn about all of the little makings of who I am, in a raw and upfront fashion. It is where I build friendships and have coffee dates with people that could very well be the same ones who I will share my wedding day with. I must also realize that this is normal. That I am not alone. But most importantly? I must be patient, understand that HIS timing is the best timing, that I can orchestrate all sorts of fabricated, temporary relationships that I want, but they will not be the one he intended for me.
Maybe its just me, but it helps a whole lot to get all of this out. Maybe its just for the sake of releasing or for the sake of reading it to (myself).To remind (myself) of everything I already knew to begin with, but had to sort out all the pieces in one place.
Broken hearts are somewhat inevitable, thankfully we have a God who promises to mend every scattered and jaded piece. He promises that without a doubt, when it's all said and done, we will be made whole once again.
I will be whole once again.