|| G R A C E ||
I have a lot of headstrong friends; they are wise, secure, go-getter type people. They remind me that not everyone who is dedicated and driven is bossy, overbearing or selfish. In fact, most times we are quite the opposite. We lose sight of ourselves once someone else’s needs come into view. We have yet to allow the word “no” to become apart of our regular vocabulary, we’re something like teapots who are unaware of when they don’t have any water left to give yet they still keep pouring. We wear ourselves thin, forget what rest even feels like and feel like if we stop for even a moment, we'll lose. Lose our respect, our dignity and ourselves, we think we’ll lose everything.
“Sometimes, I have to remind myself…just do better than you did yesterday.”
“Yeah but if the day isn’t over, there’s still time to do better than I did three hours ago!”
It’s a never-ending cycle of “do better”, “you’re not enough yet,” if you do this and be that, then you’ll get there. I’m not one for patting yourself on the back all the time unnecessarily. It's not always a bad thing, sometimes we need to give ourselves a little kick in the butt to get ourselves out there but sometimes it limits the space for grace to show up, remind us that we don't stay in one place of continuously thinking we're not enough. This idea of g r a c e, has been recurring in conversations, moments in my own life and even in the books I find myself reading. We serve a God who despite everything we do, everything he knows we will do, our sassy child talk, angry questioning and momentary doubting, he still extends an overflowing cup of a grace into our lives each day. His reassuring whisper that says,
“I know you’re a hot mess but I’m going to love you anyway. I’m going to call you enough regardless of all the make believe quotas you don’t believe you fit inside of. I chose you, not because of what you did, but because of your obedience for what I will call you to do.”
Grace however is not a ticket to just drop everything and be lazy. We are people who need work and acts of doing to feel alive and purposeful but in the midst of that purpose we become our own worst opponents because the whole time, the only one you feel you need to impress is yourself. It gets hard, the horrible lies we tell ourselves, and how good we are at so effortlessly stripping our own self of worth that was already given to us. There will always be someone who comes and does something a little bit differently than us and comparison will make us want to tug and pull at who we are. But it takes the conscious moment of telling yourself, I am enough, my obedience, not my doing is what allows me to be worthy. God extends more grace than we can ever give ourselves and I am so thankful for that.
You’re going to mess up, make mistakes, hurt people, say things you shouldn’t have and like they say you’ll live and learn, forgiveness comes in and you do better next time. I hope you learn that you are worthy not because of what you can do, but because he chose you. He didn’t choose you based off how much you checked off your list or because of how put together you think you are, he chose you because of your obedience to say “yes” to all he has called you to.
You are enough, you are worthy and you’re doing well okay?
Tell it to yourself in the mirror for your sanity, be on your own team every once in awhile and give yourself a good, loving pat on the back. Sprinkle grace into each day my friend, even if it's just a little bit.