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This however, is not what I did tonight
but I thought about it.
I thought that while he was ringing up my allergy medicine and dish soap it would set a really quirky and romantic scene where I could just be like, "hey- I think you're adorable and every time I'm in here I chicken out and never actually get in your line but alas here I am."
I think we put a lot of unrealistic restrictions and guidelines on ourselves especially when it comes to relationships. ( No this is not to say that I want a relationship with Target boy-- I don't even know target boy!) BUT what I'm saying is we let fear coach the game. We would like to think we're all adult and we handle it really well but we don't. We still play games, we're more indecisive than ever because that's what fear tells us we have to do and be in order to navigate through the weirdness of relationships. Yes, weirdness. Relationships are weird y'all. It's two people- strange, different and barely understanding themselves attempting to navigate through the intertwining of another human.
So of course we let fear call the shots.
We let fear tell us we don't know how to love people when we mess up and we're not sure how to come back from it.
Here's the thing. The risk part-- the stepping outside your comfort zone and doing what scares you, is not guaranteed the walk into the sunset happy ending.
It's being able to walk away and not have a "what if" weigh on your shoulders - THAT'S the happy ending.
It doesn't guarantee that you get the guy or the girl but you walk away braver, maybe with a battle would or two but don't let those wounds paint you as the victim -- let them instead trace out your courage.
This is not about relationships really at all. This is about not letting ourselves be so terrified of the but what if...
I have a chest full of words that I never said. I have a fist full of love letters that are clawing at the back of my throat but I will try my best to keep them silent. We let fear try to write our stories or erase certain chapters. That ends when we allow ourselves to tell the target guy he's cute or tell the barista that we think her eyes are pretty. That happens when we refuse to be crippled by fear, stopped by what ifs and haunted by the absence of happily ever afters.
This is not an easy thing to do or explore-- hence why the idea of talking to target boy is a blog post and not a reality, but we have to start somewhere right?
With the belief in the potential.
With the belief to maybe try again next time.