Day Six || 30days30minutes
I didn't write yesterday.
These are not excuses and then again maybe they are. But mostly I found myself starting to stress and panic about this 30 day challenge. It's not supposed to be another obligation or additional note to add to my to-do lists. I'm doing it because I want to continue to work on this craft called writing that I've gotten maybe just a little too comfortable with. Also, I've gotten really lazy with not really having a secure schedule or agenda to stick too. I've kinda just been doin and sometimes with doing comes well not doing. I am trying find the balance of girl chill out and just rest and oh my gosh you bum, get up you have stuff to do. Can I get an amen?
With that being said, I didn't write yesterday and I refused to let myself stress over it because that's not what this is about. Forgive me?
For the past couple of weeks, I started nannying my favorite little blue eyed human Declan Rex again. My heart is instinctively connected to this one because I started nannying him since he was just a few weeks old and his parents are the most amazing humans who have played a huge part in just keeping me sane.
So Declan and I were on a walk this past Tuesday and at one point he kept picking leaves and handing them to me saying, "Look Arie, bweautifuh" (it just wouldn't be right to put beautiful because that's not true to this story at all) he did this a few times. The first time I was so enamored at the way that he truly marveled at this dirty half a piece of leaf that he pulled and then as he did it two, three, four times I became enamored by the way the beauty never stopped for him, it never got old.
Kids are fascinated by the smallest of things, most of which fades into the clutter and noise of life the older we get so much that we miss it. I think that's why they make life feel new and exciting again because they are looking through an entirely different lense. When a kid points out the beauty of leaves to you not just once but a few times, you can't help but really stop for a moment and dare to see what it is he sees. Is it the color? is it the shape? Is the beauty simply in the fact that it exists? What do we pass by everyday, who have we encountered so much that we've forgotten to marvel at the very existence of it or them?
The beauty is not always in how something looks, its simply in the fact that it's there, living and breathing and doing exactly what it was created to do. We tend to lose that perspective don't we? We have put so many guidelines on what beauty is supposed to do, be and involve. We complicate the mess out of the simplest of things, meanwhile I have this almost two year old who reminds me the wonder in being fascinated by something we deem as simple as a leaf.
At another point during our walk, Delcan made a friend named Jack and his little puppy Nico. The two of them "talked" and played (well more like chased) the puppy for a good 15-20 minutes and then the mom called the two of them to go inside. When they walked away, I kid you not Delcan got the saddest look on his face and started to sniffle, he then looked up at me and reached out his arms. I swooped him up and he continued to sniffle into my shoulders as we walked back towards the apartment. And then Declan taught me a second thing --
emotions are not flaws or weaknesses.
They are what allows us to momentarily fall in love with strangers and be heartbroken when our time with them is up despite if we've only known them for 20 minutes. I am so quick to try and run away from my deep feeling self. I am so quick to question or reprimand myself for feeling as much as I do. Which let me tell you is real hard to do since I sort of want to make a career out of feeling deeply. but we live in a world that tells us not too. Either women need to tone down their emotions and men need to not have any. What the heck? WHO CAME UP WITH THESE RULES? Tell them to go sit down. Because these are what make us, they keep us believing that there is hope and silver linings tucked into this crappy world.
If people are telling you to stop feeling so much send them a love letter and remind them why your bleeding heart self is necessary in a world where you sometimes question if there's even a heartbeat to begin with.
Kids are these wonderful little walking lessons filled with beauty in the simplest of things and the daring challenge to never stop feeling, stop telling your emotions to quiet themselves and instead don't be so afraid to sit with them once in awhile, ask them to stay and see what they'll teach you.