|| BLOOM ||
TONIGHT WAS UNREAL.
My friend Karen and I went to this event called a “Bloom Gathering”, it’s something like a social networking/ lets hang out ladies event coordinated by the beautiful minds behind Yellow Conference. This conference is defined as, a gathering for creative women who desire to ignite passion & spread good through everyday living. When I first read the mission statement and scrolled through the website I literally thought, “OH MY GOSH THIS IS ME.” And if it isn’t…. then I want it to be.
I, full of passion that sometimes keeps me awake at night, want to spread all kinds of goodness everyday that I am given breath. I, left brained driven want to radiate Christ in creativity. I kept thinking… I want to do that! I want to be that and then I realized… I am. I AM doing that and being that because it’s the deepest desire that is nestled in the core of who I am and I’m pretty sure God sees that.
This weekend, I had a sleepover at a friend’s house and she was asking me what was next after May (Graduation is so close…) and I gave her my memorized plan about applying to Grad School for leadership and Assistant/ Resident Director Positions. Her response was not the “congrats you have a plan” response I was used to. Instead it was more like but what do you want to do, what are you really going to do. I’m not going to lie, her questions threw me so much that it brought me to tears…literal, like on her couch crying because she wasn’t taking my carefully sown together, memorized after-graduation plan as an adequate answer. I’ve been really frustrated lately because there are a few people in my life who don’t take this plan as an answer. I realized it’s not because it’s not a good plan but because they see me in ways that I can’t see myself, they see what I’m truly passionate about glowing through what I find myself diving head first into. They don’t take this plan as answer because they’re seeing what I’m capable of and for some reason...that frustrated me I guess because I don’t always see it. I’m creative but also really type-A, not much for risk taking or straying outside of what’s comfortable. I like to know what’s coming next but I keep finding myself in seasons where I have absolutely NO IDEA what’s coming. And I’m realizing yeah, it’s terrifying, unsettling, confusing and maybe a bit frustrating but in all of that, God has a tendency to show up and freaking blow our minds.
It’s the carefully tied together with a bow plan that he unravels, disrupts and throws us for a loop in the opposite direction. It is there that he aligns his heart, our heart, his kingdom work and our passion and sows them together in this beautifully woven story and says, that is what you’re here for.
I am passionate about a lot of things.
Coffee, theater, people, poetry, all that is artsy and creative & leaving traces of beautiful everywhere that I go.
I’ve been afraid of the majority of what’s on that list because for long time creativity, arts and Christianity didn’t mix. Because even still art and creativity is not seem as a “successful profession.” I’ve been afraid of this little wonder called my purpose because what if it fails and I end up trying to figure out who I am all over again? What if it doesn’t pay the rent or buy groceries? What if I’m actually not that good at it? “What ifs” are horribly haunting little monsters. They make us run around with them so many times, that we give up and stay where it makes sense, where it’s comfortable.
Tonight, while meeting so many wonderfully artistic, encouraging, passionate women made me realize I too am a woman who does things. I too want to take this gift of words and trace it into life seams and hope some of it sticks. Not for the recognition, the exposure or feeling of "success", what does all that really even do? No, I want to do it because this is my kingdom work. This is how I tell the world, there is a God, he loves you very much and he wants you to go into this place and show them what you’ve got because he gave it to you.
So I don’t know… I guess this is all to say.
If you’re afraid, if you’re letting what ifs chase you into fear…
Dream a little? Goodness that’s so cliché but it’s true.
Yeah…dream a little and if they scare you…then GOOD.
Let them scare you so much that they keep you up at night, nagging you like little kids who just want you to play with them.
Yeah, let them fill you with straight up giddy.
You have something beautiful to contribute, don’t you ever forget that.
There is a purpose woven into your story and once you find it, shoot dang you’re going to be captivated by the fire nestled in your ribcage. && Baby it’ll keep burning if you let it, so please don’t put it out.
I pray, that when you find it you’ll live it out && when you do…there’s no looking back. Okay? No looking back.
Also, please aka you should really check out the conference website --> http://yellowconference.com/
And shameless plug, if you're looking for what to get me for Christmas, I will take all and any donation to my fund in order to attend the conference this year. It would be a dream.
That is all.