Before the Clock Strikes 12.
2016, you came in like a wrecking ball. But mostly, I remember the waves.
This time last year, I was getting ready to drive back to Socal from Northern California with my friend Karen. We decided we would add a few hours and take the the Big Sur route. I remember watching those massive waves crash over and over again. I was not terrified with how big they looked or how everything underneath them was completely washed away. Instead, I found myself in awe of how refreshing that could be, something coming in and washing what you knew to be real and tangible completely away.
That’s exactly what God did in 2016.
Stare nice and hard at what you consider to be normal, comfortable, practical and watch me come like a wave and wipe it clean. I moved three times, spent a full year freelancing in speaking, poetry and social media. Met people to encourage, motivate and uplift me, people who would speak more potential over me than I ever imagined for myself. I released my first album of poetry and ya’ll are still loving me so tremendously with that project and daily I am floured.
2016 was the hottest, most beautiful mess.
It did not accept us for who we thought we were, instead it reminded us of who we could be. That included both very very ugly moments paired with very light giving moments as well. 2016, pulled the warrior out of lots of us and the surrender too. 2016 made us not so afraid to feel, to grieve, to empathize, it also showed us all the people who are not capable of doing any of those things. 2016 humbled me. It reminded me how much I don’t have it all together, how slow I am to still myself, to listen, to let people show up for me.
In these past few days of rest and recovery before I fly into this New Year. I have found myself a lot more on the quiet, just listen, just take it all in, side of life. Don’t get me wrong...at the core of who I am? I am a doer, I go and go and go so maybe I want 2017 to be about leaving a quiet, glittery mess. I want these words to impact of course but I also want to be so aware of why I am saying them in the first place. I want each one to have purpose, to carry weight beyond me. Can I be honest? I don’t know what I’m doing 99% of the time ( there are days when that 1% shines real bright) and I will never ever pretend to. Most days is just sort of flying by the seat of my pants. I have no goals necessary for this new year, just declarations, parts of me that I want to work on, take life slower but just to extract the sweetness from it, not to miss out on it.
We all have different versions of what this year was to us. But here’s the thing, whatever happened, whatever you experienced know this---you made it. You’re here and you’re breathing PRAISE GOD. Because a lot of people aren’t so fortunate to say that. Goodness, my heart has been really heavy just thinking about the individuals who didnt get to today, who won’t be counting down, who don’t get to to see the ball drop, who won’t hold someone they love closer. So count your blessings my dear, every single one. Because you made it, you’ve reached the end. Whatever kind of mess this year was, I hope you leave your own next year. Currently obsessed with the Hamilton Music soundtrack and there's a line in one of the songs that says,
"Legacy. What is a legacy? It’s planting seeds in a garden you never get to see." (The World Was Wide Enough)
I hope your legacy is a mess, a beautiful one. I hope it sparkles, I hope it ignites life and light ---we could use a whole lot more of that.
Happy New Year loves,
thanks for being on this journey with me!