|| Because Life||

Wow. Has it really been a month since the last time I've blogged? Golly. Life has been a whirlwind of beauty and I just can't keep up! Graduation is in three very short weeks and I wish I could tell you my really drawn out plan for "after" but I really have no plan and that's scaring the type A in me hardcore. I have lost count of how many freak-outs and panic attacks I've had. I find myself applying to job after job solely because I know Sallie Mae is going to come knock real soon& I have to live somewhere right? I still desperately want to explore what life here in Sunny Southern California looks like because everything I've established and all that I've become has happened here. I can't help but wonder am I afraid to leave because it’s comfortable or because the goodness here really is where I'm supposed to be rooted for some more time. I have no answers; I have no plan, just a lot of dreams, hopes and a whole lot of prayers. A lot of leaning into and trusting Gods perfect plan because it always surpasses my own anyway but remembering that when time is “running” out gets harder and harder to do.

The closer I get -- the less and less I am sure of what will happen "after." But what I do know && what I'm desperately trying to cling to is that God is good, faithful and so constant. That walking off that stage May 2nd will not be like walking off a plank into nothingness but more like falling effortlessly into the beautiful ambiguity that's before me, more like leaning and really learning what trusting his perfect plan looks like. Yeah it's scary (terrifying) but at the same time, I can't help but be somewhat at peace with it.

Life is good, the crazy kind of good that you can’t help but rest in because it’s so sweet.

This morning I received a little text reminder from a mentor and dear friend she said “you’re in the final stretch, but take some time to revel in the present and allow yourself to bloom where you are planted!”

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So there’s my exhale, it’s long and hesitant, but I’m here and I’m going to rest in that and see what doors God will open and close.

So I guess here in this vulnerable space where I share my heart with family, friends and strangers, I am asking that you would just be in prayer with and for me during this next transitional season. The uncertainty has a tendency to weigh on my self-esteem and knowledge that God is good and has brought me so far when I know that anything but that is just lies.

Here’s to what comes next? Whatever that may mean!

Shout out to Karen Hernandez for the senior photos!

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